Jun 22, 2018

A Birthday // Happy Friday

Another year has come and gone in the life of my favorite fella. Today is Rob's 32nd birthday. I haven't talked much about him on the blog because as a rule I keep our marriage off the internet but he's still chilling, working hard and providing for our family, being the rockstar husband and father that he is.

I don't think you really realize how awesome he is. Truly. He has been do patient through all my cravings, which there have been very very few of, and through all my aversions, which there has been a lot of. But when I do have a craving he has gone out to get me what I have a hankering for. 

On Father's Day I came out with pink eye which meant I was contagious so instead of me being able to give him a break that day he had to do a lot more so I didn't give pink eye to anyone. 

He entertains my ideas of getting a new kitchen table even though he's not sure we need one. 

He brings me whatever I need when I am bent over the toilet throwing up with all the morning sickness I have had this pregnancy. He carries bags in his pockets for me as my just in case when we go out and about even. 

He provides for us, working hard every day then coming home and playing with the kids until bedtime each night. He might not be known for doing dishes or laundry but he will wrestle on the floor or run around with the kids when they have extra energy to burn. 

This list could probably go on forever, but this is just stuff from this past week that comes to mind. I am lucky to have found him and to have him as my best friend and husband. 

So happy birthday to the man who will never read this post but deserve a brag every now and again. 

Have a great weekend!
Happy Friday!

Jun 20, 2018

Bump to Baby: The Story

Truthfully I knew this was coming. I have been pregnant enough times to know what the beginning stages feel like even if I have only made it past the beginning stages two times. It all starts the same and this one wasn't any different. But let me start at the beginning.

After my last miscarriage, we were told to wait until I had a normal period before we started trying again. It felt like my miscarriage cycle would never end and I had no idea what to expect from a normal cycle since the change of hormones is always different. But my period was normal and things were all good. The thing that took me by surprise this time though was that I ovulated on cycle day 14 (I take my temperature every morning first thing which is what gives me insight into my cycle). I hadn't ovulated on cycle day 14 naturally since Addison. With Connor, I did only because I was on my medication and I was doing shots in order to force my ovulation on cycle day 14 thanks to PCOS. So I was more than a little surprised to find that for the first time in six years I ovulated at the "right time."

Mostly I was pumped because I was starting to think that maybe I was doing something right to help my PCOS which will help normalize my cycle. Truthfully it's impossible to know now if it's things I was doing that made the difference or if it was just the difference in my hormones since the miscarriage. But whatever the case I was just happy for it to be "normal." In the past I have had a mix after my miscarriages, but mostly they have been two and a half month long cycles before I was back on track again.

Since I'm writing this you can guess our timing was pretty dang good. But we hadn't really been trying. We were still going with the same thought that we had when I first went off birth control, if it happened then it happened. We were definitely taking a no-stress approach to the possibility of having a third. Which after having another miscarriage since had just drilled into me that this probably will never happen. It was a hard reality and one I hated since I might be forced into giving up, but it was one that I would have to come to accept.

But I digress.

After I ovulated I noticed really high temperatures and truthfully even thought I was just sick. I was insanely tired, but truthfully that's that not that crazy for me. It was having to go to the bathroom all the time and the craving for prosciutto that started to get my attention that something else might be at play. Although Rob knew I had a craving proscuitto, I hadn't mentioned anything to him about what I suspected.

It was a few days before my period was supposed to come that I finally decided to find out. It was more to see if my instincts were right and maybe a little to get out of doing a workout I wasn't wanting to do. But it was also because I had gone to the bathroom and it had been ten minutes and I had to go again. So at this point I was sure I was either pregnant or I had a UTI. I decided it was time to find out.

I gave the kids their breakfast and headed upstairs. I had a couple tests left over from my last pregnancy and decided to go for it. And I was surprised to find out that I was indeed pregnant.

I wish I could say that I felt something but I really didn't. I guess maybe that's just my way to protect myself after having four miscarriages, but I just thought 'here we go again.' Later as I was taking a shower I found myself thinking about the future and how old the kids would be before I stopped myself. I was being silly thinking ahead. The odds weren't in my favor. We didn't know why I was having miscarriages, but I was, so why should I think this one would end any different?

So I decided to ignore it. I knew I should probably call the doctor and get my levels checked to see if this had a chance of lasting but I decided to wait. I hadn't even missed my period yet so I was going to wait until the next week to make the call. How awful that I found out I was pregnant and wanted to ignore it and felt no excitement?

But what I couldn't put off was telling Rob nor did I want to. But since I took the test in the morning when he wasn't home, it would have to wait until he got home that evening. It did cross my mind to just text him but just because I felt nothing didn't mean he should find out so impersonally. So I waited...a couple hours.

I wasn't feeling really anxious but I wanted to tell my husband. I asked him if he could take a ride with us to do drop-off and told him then. Turned out that Rob suspected too, but he was of course happy. Cautiously so. Truthfully I think he was more excited than me. I just couldn't get excited about something that I was doubting would last. I know that sounds terrible but that's how it feels after having a miscarriage.

But we were excited. We had always planned on three. We are definitely looking forward to the next phase of our lives and can't wait for all that is coming.

Jun 18, 2018

Bump to Baby: 12 Weeks

I am never actually seen a passion fruit in real life so truthfully I have no idea how big it is but apparently that's about your size right now. You weigh about a half an ounce and even crazier to think about is that you have more than doubled in size in the last three weeks. This is a big week for you because most of your systems are fully formed. Your digestive system is starting contraction movements. Your white blood cells is being made by your bone marrow. And your pituitary glands have started producing hormones. You still have a long way to go and your systems have a lot of maturing to do but you have already come so far!

This was another rough week. I have had a lot of throwing up again this week. It always seems to be at least twice a day. This pregnancy has been tough on me. You add on to that the headaches, the fact that I'm still fighting my sickness which means I'm not sleeping well, plus a continued struggle with food. It's been a long week. I have definitely been looking forward to the second trimester in hopes that things get better. I mean it's got to be better than getting a bout of morning sickness while at the zoo and having to throw up in a trash can. On the plus side I have a little bump going on. Sometimes it just looks like I ate a little too much for lunch but there are other times it very much looks like a little bump. It's just hard to believe I am so close to the second trimester already. It has definitely flown by.

I had a lot of anxiety going into this week. This was the week I went back in for my OB appointment where I would actually be able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler. All the craziness I was going through has been starting to feel like my new normal which then puts doubts into my mind that things were going okay with the baby. Rob was constantly reminding me that it was not normal and things were okay. But it was still hard to feel confident. Although I didn't feel any sort of dread at all. But the anxiety was hard to ignore. I was nervous about my appointment but also looking forward to it for my piece of mind that everything was okay. So with all my nerves, I went to my appointment. It was the only thing that we had to take care of (other than leaving a urine sample to check for proteins which is my least favorite part by far). She came in and asked me if I was nervous, but got right to it. She noted that I had a bit of a belly already started and that was a good thing. Then almost immediately we heard a little heartbeat. We were both thrilled. Then the baby moved which she noted was a good thing as well that the baby was already moving around in there. She found the heartbeat again and we listened to a nice strong heartbeat in the 150s. It was like I could breathe again. It felt amazing hearing that little heart beating in there and now knowing without a doubt that everything was okay with our little bug.

(Sunday, June 10 - Saturday, June 16)

Jun 14, 2018

Bump to Baby: 8-11 Weeks

8 Weeks

You are now the size of a cranberry seed and you are growing so fast from week to week. Right now you are hard to measure in length because you are growing rapidly but some of that is just in your legs and arms while other times it is in your height and weight. You are slowly starting to look more baby like now even though your toys and fingers are webbed. Your tail is gone and you now have lips, a nose, and eyelids. You are starting to move more even if you are way too small for me to actually feel anything and your heart is beating nice and strong.

The queasiness adventure just keeps on rolling. There are definitely days that have been worse than others but mostly a lot of queasy. It's been really tough finding things to eat when everything just makes your stomach roll. I actually had my first real bout of morning sickness this week which I remembered how much I hated throwing up. And of course yours siblings were standing over me telling me they were ready for breakfast all the while. It was a tough morning. Truthfully mostly this week has just been pure exhaustion. I have had no energy. I'm not sleeping well at night despite being so tired. I'm getting up anywhere between once a night to five times in night to go to the bathroom which is really annoying. It's just a lot of the same where I don't feel good and I'm really tired. It's been a tough week.

Being pregnant is hard and truthfully I hate being pregnant. It also seems weird to say because I keep doing it but turns out the end result is pretty worth it all. The first trimester is hard because it's exhausting and finding things to eat is impossible. The second trimester you start feeling better but you start struggling to find clothes that fit. The third trimester is pretty much all bad. I haven't had the easiest pregnancies with both times developing serious pain in my shoulders from some skeletal issues once the babies get bigger. But at least that comes later. It's this first trimester that always hits me hardest. I haven't had too much morning sickness this time around but the constant queasiness is hard and has definitely influenced my feelings about food right now. I just hate feeling so off and tired. I hate getting up in the middle of the night then despite being so tired struggling to fall back to sleep because pregnancy insomnia seems to think it's funny. I pretty much struggle all nine months of pregnancy, but I go through it because it's all worth it.

(Sunday, May 13 - Saturday, May 19)

9 Weeks
You are now an inch long, about the size of a cherry. Your head is straightening and you are looking even more human this week. Your ears are starting grow, your toes are visible and all your vital organs are beginning to develop. You are moving around but I definitely won't be feeling you for awhile yet. But those movements meant your muscles are starting to develop, even if they are very small and all your movements are spontaneous right now.  This is your last week as an embryo before you become a fetus.

This week has actually been a bit easier than the last few. I haven't been quite as tired. I have been dreaming all night every night which doesn't give me the best sleep, but I don't have to have a nap
every day at least. Not to say that my energy is back because it definitely is, but at least not napping all afternoon is a step in the right direction. My queasiness has actually been better this week too. Although I say that but I have also thrown up twice this week, which includes barely coming to a stop in a random neighborhood before it all came up. That one was rough. Normally it gets worse if I haven't eaten in awhile. It's really frustrating that that I'm hungry but instead of being able to eat I get sick. A lot of my symptoms really eased up a bit which has caused me some anxiety, but then I do something like throw up because I'm hungry and I'm reminded that everything is just fine.

It's funny to say but I think that Stella Cat knew I was pregnant before I knew - or at least knew officially. I always had an idea because I had gone through early pregnancy symptoms so many times before but it wasn't official until I actually took a test. However Stella started sleeping on me at night, which maybe wouldn't be that unusual except that unless it was the dead of winter she didn't sleep on me all night. But she was very clingy and even if I pushed her off so I could move, she just moved right back. The only times she had been so determined to lay on me before was when I was pregnant with Addison and Connor. She was part of the reason I started to suspect that there was something more than PMS symptoms going on. Of course I had already started to suspect because I had some odd symptoms going on, but she just helped confirm to me that I should probably take a test, which of course turned out to be a nice strong positive.

(Sunday, May 20 - Saturday, May 26)

10 Weeks
You are now officially a fetus! Congratulations! You are about the size of a kumquat or an prune depending on where you look. You are about an inch and half long. Your bones and cartilage are forming now, including now small indentations on your legs which will form your knees and ankles. Your arms, which already have your elbows, can flex even if they are still tiny. Your tooth buds are also starting to form under your gums. Your vital organs are also busy with your stomach now producing digestive juices and our kidneys are producing a large amount of urine. All your systems are busy developing and you are growing and changing so quickly.

If the throwing up wasn't enough to reassure me that I was pregnant than the random nosebleed I got was definitely a sign. I only ever get nosebleeds when I'm pregnant. When Addie it was only once and Connor it was always later in pregnancy, but you have already given me one and I haven't even made it out of the first trimester! I have noticed lately that in the evening I don't look too different than normal but the evening I have a much bigger belly that looks somewhere between a bump and just a big chubby. Gotta love the bloat. Mostly it's just been another week of queasiness and struggling with food. I have definitely struggled with morning sickness a bit more. And although I thought I was past the extreme exhaustion, I seemed to battling that again thanks to dreaming all night and just plain not sleeping well.

There are so many things I forgot about when it comes to pregnancy and one of those things is my intense breakouts. I apparently am not one of those women who get nice clear skin with a beautiful pregnancy glow. No, no, my face breaks out like I'm a teenager all over again. It's really quite frustrating to be fighting acne now in my thirties with my third kid on the way. I have been doing my best to combat the acne with some natural face wash and even more with face masks which I have suddenly started loving. I would definitely prefer the pregnancy glowing but I have not been so lucky with any of my pregnancies and I think this one might be the worst yet in regards to breakouts. But if the end results is a baby then I'll take the bad acne for a few months. I just wish they didn't hurt so much.

(Sunday, May 27 - Saturday, June 2)

11 Weeks
You are still pretty small but you are growing pretty quickly each week now. You are looking even more like a human these days. Your features are much more distinct now with hands and feet developing, ears almost in their final spot, a little nose with open nasal passages, and even a tongue. Your hair follicles are starting to form even if you might be bald when you are born. You even have fingers and toes on your hands and feet with growing nail beds. Your body is finally starting to straighten and lengthen. You are doing all kinds of moving in there from stretching out to somersaults.

This week was a rough one. I'm pretty sure I spent the entire week
just throwing up. On top of that I also got sick which definitely didn't help matters. So I was even more tired because trying to deal with pregnancy plus a sore throat and a cough was a terrible combination. Then the drainage started and that upset my stomach even more. I only had one day where I didn't throw up actually. And all the other days it was at least twice a day. I had one day that I kept nothing down which was a terrible day and I spent the majority of it napping. I have definitely started to pop too. At times it has made me feel very uncomfortable because I feel just chubby even though I know it's really just a growing belly. Your dad always calls my growing belly my abs of steel which is just his way of telling me that I am anything but chubby.

It's still going to be a bit before we find out if we are having a girl or a boy but I always find it's fun to think about it now. And we have done our fair share of talking about it. Addie's thoughts are that she would like a sister but she would be okay. Connor has no clue what is happening. I told Rob that a boy would be nice for Connor to have another boy around when we are around their cousins but I also have a lot of adorable girls' clothes I would love to use again. But really we don't care although we will be finding out as soon as we can!

Chinese gender chart = GIRL (I found a site where I just put in my age and the month we conceived and it told me girl so there you go.)

Heartbeat = GIRL (If the heart rate is more than 140 then it's a girl, if less than a boy. The heart rate was in the 150s. Although I should note that this has never been true for me. Connor actually had a higher heart rate than Addison.)

Cravings = GIRL (If you crave sweets then girl. Sour means boy. Truthfully I haven't wanted either one but I have eaten more sweet than sour, although what I really wanted for awhile was salty. But mostly I can't find anything to want to eat. Apparently my life is just full of aversions these days.)

Mayans = BOY (The Mayans add the age of the mother and the year of conception. If the number is even the it's a girl; if it's odd then it's a boy.)

Necklace over palm of hand = BOY (If the necklace swings back and forth then it's a boy. If it swings in a circle then it's a girl.)

Morning sickness  = GIRL (Bad morning sickness is supposed to mean girl. And I have done a lot of throwing up lately. This one is much closer to how things were with Addison than with Connor although I did throw up with him during the first trimester than every single day at the start of a new week which my doctor told me was just because of the change of hormones.)

Baby's father's weight = BOY (If the baby daddy gains weight than it's a girl. I think this is just a funny wives' tale which is always why I keep this one around but how could it mean anything at all!?)

Clumsy = BOY  (Don't hand me anything you don't want dropped because I am a mess these days. Apparently more clumsy means boy.)

What side I sleep on = BOY (I actually sleep mostly on my back I think but that's just because I'm sick, but I do get the most comfortable on my left which means boy.)

Hands constantly dry = BOY (I don't get how this is a thing but I guess it is.)

Cold feet = BOY (My feet are always cold. I wear socks around my house in the summer always.)

Headaches = BOY (I have had some killer headaches this pregnancy. There was one that just took me down for a day, it was so bad.)

So if you go by this then we are having a boy. But I this is the first time I actually think we are having a girl. I don't know why exactly but I truly think this one is a girl. I thought my first two were both boys and I was only right once so there's that. But that doesn't mean these aren't fun to do and think about until you can actually find out what we are having. We don't really care one way or the other. We have one of each already and both are amazing so we just look forward to having this third one no matter girl or boy.

(Sunday, June 3 - Saturday, June 9)

Jun 12, 2018

Bump to Baby: 4-7 Weeks

Week 4
You are about the size of a poppy seed, so tiny tiny. Pretty much the only thing you are doing right now is getting comfortable, and if you could get really comfortable for the long haul that would be great. This week you are splitting into the embryo and the placenta. Despite being so small there are so many things that are happening this week that play into all the developing you have to do in the next few months. You have three layers - the endodrem, mesoderm, and ectoderm. Each of those layers having their own importance into forming things such as your digestive system, your vital organs, and your outer layers of hair and skin. So like I said despite how small you are, you are certainly busy settling in for the next few months and already starting to form whatever makes you you.

This week started out mostly symptom free, but towards the middle of the week I got hit hard with all
sorts of symptoms. From the beginning my biggest symptoms has been extreme thirst. I am not one to
normally crave water. I drink it but I just don't drink a lot of it because I don't really like water. But all I have wanted is water. And of course along with that is the need to pee every five minutes it seemed. I have even been waking up in the early morning to pee, which is really out of character for me and pretty annoying honestly. About halfway through the week I started having serious boob ache. My favorite part of the day quickly became when I could take off my bra at the end of the day. The cravings have continued from crab rangoons to cookies to McDonald's breakfast sandwiches. I have continued to be exhausted and boy has the moodiness kicked in.

Truthfully we found out about you last week when I was only about 3 weeks 3 days. It was actually pretty early, but I knew without a doubt that I was already carrying you which prompted me to take a test. I have gone through this a few times now so I have certainly come to realize when something is different. My first sign was that it seemed all the sudden I had to go to the bathroom all the time. I figured it was either pregnancy or I had an UTI, but again I have done this enough times to know the difference. My next major sign was that I started having cravings which mostly included prosciutto. I just couldn't get enough of it, but now of course I can't even eat it since it's deli meat.

I had a few other things that came and went before I hit 4 weeks. At firs the sides of my boobs were a bit sore like I had done a bunch of push-ups then they hurt all over. And again there were times that the ache was really noticeable and they felt full and other times that everything was normal. I have had days when I was really hungry and couldn't seem to get full. Then other days i would think I was really hungry and as soon as I was two bites in I was full. It's hard to judge the exhaustion because I am often pretty tired on a regular basis. Although I had a couple days that I went to be d really early because I was so tired. So like I said it was a mixed bag right after I found out I was pregnant.

(Sunday, April 15 - Saturday, April 21)

Week 5
This week you are the size of peppercorn. Or an orange seed or an appleseed. Whatever you want to imagine. You are looking a lot like a tadpole right now with just a little head and tail, and luckily in the next few weeks that will change quite a bit. Right now your circulatory system is developing first which means your little heart is beating  which means that we might even have been able to see it if we had gone in for an ultrasound this week.

The symptoms have hit me hard this week. Last week I was my normal tired self and I thought there was no way I could feel more tired than I currently do. Then this week came and I feel completely exhausted, which is definitely challenging since I have two very active kids to keep up with. I have also been heavy on the mood swings this week. Mostly I run middle of the line but I definitely tend to jump back and forth on my mood. Towards the middle of this week the queasiness started a little more hardcore. I'm usually okay for breakfast but when it comes to make lunch and thinking about food I just think about eating and my stomach turns. I haven't actually been sick at all but definitely been dealing with a lot of queasiness. Also my face seems to have broken out like a teenager all over again. I just keep fighting break out after break out. I definitely don't miss all the acne I seem to get with pregnancy hormones.

Because I have had four previous losses, my doctor wanted to get my betas checked to make sure everything was progressing the way it was supposed to. On one hand I was nervous about finding out my numbers and maybe finding out that I was miscarrying again this way, which I had done twice already. But on the other hand having those numbers also meant peace of mind if things were going well. So during my confirmation appointment I had my first blood draw to get my betas then all i could do was nervously wait for the phone call. The call came in the middle of my afternoon as I was getting ready to go pick up Addison from school. I was happy to find out that everything looked great. My progesterone was at 22 and my hcg was at a level expected for 4 weeks pregnant. I could breathe a sigh of relief.

But now I had to wait until two days before I had to have them taken again. So 48 hours later I was back in for the blood draw and back to waiting. Except the phone call never came. I just hoped it wasn't because it was bad news. I thought maybe the results hadn't come in for some reason, I thought maybe she had been called out for a delivery. But whatever it was, I didn't get a call that day, so I had to wait until the next day to finally get the results. When the nurse called the next morning she said my hcg was progressing nicely but my progesterone had dropped. It was done to 16 but at this point it wasn't a big worry because my doctor just wanted to see that number above 15. And I had one more draw to do and that would give us an idea of how things were progressing.

I went in for my last draw and at this point I wasn't sure what to think. I read some about dropping progesterone but raising hcg and mostly I saw that it wasn't too concerning but I was still nervous. Luckily I got a call that afternoon that my hcg was still progressing beautifully and my progesterone had actually gone back up to 20. They were pleased and we didn't need to do any more blood draw but proceed with my scheduled ultrasound and OB appointment. All was good.

(Sunday, April 22 - Saturday, April 28)

Week 6
This week your head is starting to develop more prominently. Your jaw, cheeks and chin are developing. Your ear canals are also forming, plus small dots on your face that will form eyes and a nose are in place although it will be a few weeks before they are actually formed. Also your kidneys, liver and lungs are developing. Even more exciting is your heart is now beating, which means we could now hear or at least see it on an ultrasound. 

This has been a tough week. I have been so queasy all week long. I have struggled all day and it would get even worst when I was hungry. I didn't really have much in the way of food cravings but I
definitely had a lot of food aversions. Trying to find things to eat this week has been close to impossible. I actually started to worry because right at the end of the week I started feeling normal with less queasiness. It was hard to not worry when the symptoms lessened. But it hasn't all been queasiness but also exhaustion. I am waking up in the night to go to the bathroom but it doesn't just feel like I didn't get a full night of sleep but more that I didn't sleep at all. I actually napped almost every day this week. I have also had a lot of ups and downs with my moodiness this week. It's definitely hard to tell how I'm going to be feeling and what my mood will be from moment to moment. I have pretty much just felt terrible all week.

I was looking forward to this week but also worried about it. By getting to 6 weeks, that meant I had passed all four of my milestones. But I knew I hadn't really passed any of them until I had an ultrasound and confirmed that everything was okay. My doctor wanted me to get an ultrasound early so we could confirm dates and that everything was indeed okay, and I was not sad about that decision at all. I hadn't really put much thought into that ultrasound until the day before when my nerves kicked into gear. I just started to worry.

I had trouble sleeping the night before my ultrasound. The fact that the constant queasiness had set in should have been a huge indicator to me that everything was okay but it was hard not to expect the worst. Rob took the morning so he could come with us because I was sure the kids would be okay, but I just didn't want to face it alone. I saw a new ultrasound tech for the first time in all my pregnancies and she was nice, already even knowing my history of four miscarriages and got right to it. She pointed out the baby and immediately I could see the beating heart. It was like I could breathe again. All I wanted was to see the heart beating. She said they weren't going to force the sound waves on a baby this little but being able to see it was enough for me. She was able to see that it was beating 121 beats per minutes which is perfect. Everything else looked perfect as the ultrasound went on. I was measuring 6 weeks 1 day (when we went in I was 6 weeks 2 days so right on where I was supposed to be). It was seriously like a huge weight was lifted. Our little baby had a beating heart and everything looked perfect. I couldn't ask for more than that!

(Sunday, April 29 - Saturday, May 5)

Week 7
You are now about the size of a blueberry at about a quarter of an inch long. You are now about 10,000 times bigger than you were a month ago. The majority of that growth has been in your head which has been busy generating brain cells at about 100 per minute. This week your arms and legs are starting to grow this week which will divide into the hand, arm, shoulder segments and the leg, knee and foot segments. Your kidneys are developed and will start working on waste management soon. Also this week you are forming your mouth and tongue. 

The constant queasiness is starting to get to me. It's draining and makes it feel almost impossible to function. I have such a negative
relationship with food right now. I had so many cravings for awhile but that has definitely gone by the wayside and I mostly want nothing to do with food. Except for the fact that I am hungry all the time but can't find anything to eat that doesn't make me want to throw up. I have at least not had any morning sickness but the constant feeling awful is pretty terrible. You couple the constant queasiness with being really really tired and it's been a tough week. I have also been pretty bloated this week which makes wearing anything tight really uncomfortable. I have mostly been wearing elastic waist shorts but when I have wore anything with buttons I have had to use the ponytail holder trick because I just couldn't button them otherwise. So this week has been pretty rough overall. I just haven't felt very good at all this week.

This week was my first OB appointment and just as I was with my ultrasound, I was a bundle of nerves. I knew this was going to be a pretty simple appointment and we wouldn't even be able to listen for a heartbeat again because it was too early, but it was hard not to feel nervous. I had actually read that it was pretty normal for women with recurrent pregnancy loss to have a lot of anxiety around appointments and ultrasounds, and I was definitely in that category. But there was nothing to be nervous about. It was a lengthy appointment because we had to go back over history even though my OB is my all the time doctor. I also had to get a ton of blood work done just to check that everything was good. I was there for what felt like forever but everything seemed to be good which meant she didn't need to see me for another month like a normal OB patient.

(Sunday, May 6 - Saturday, May 12)

Jun 11, 2018


We've been keeping a secret....

That's right. We are going to have us a Christmas baby, almost literally since my due date is December 23. A baby which will be our tiebreaker! We are over the moon excited. Connor is pretty clueless but Addie is excited and has already told me she prefers to have a baby sister, but she would still love him if she ended up with another brother.

I am currently in the middle of my 12th week, so we have been seriously keeping a secret which has been hard but with my past I have just wanted to wait a little longer before we shared. This was something I wasn't sure would happen again but we are excited about our second rainbow baby, which is also going to be our last baby.

So if things have seemed a bit off with me lately, this is why. I have had a lot of lousy days and the first trimester struggle has been for real, but I'll share all that with you over the next few days to catch you up on how I've been. But we are so excited about this adventure and tiebreaker.

Jun 8, 2018

Eight on the Eighth // Happy Friday

1. Stella is a jerk at night. I have pillow that I use to put before my knees when I sleep and lately she has become convinced that it's her pillow. Somehow over the course of the night she takes over that pillow crowding me until I shift and she has full use of my pillow then refuses to move no matter what I do.

2. Connor got himself pink eye. No clue where he picked it up from but it's been pretty miserable. We have had to do an ointment in his eye five times a day for a week now. Luckily Rob has been off this week because there was no way I could have done it by myself otherwise.

3. I had every intentions of posting earlier this week but we were out of town visiting Rob's family up in Iowa and I got pretty sick so it just didn't happen. But Addison and Connor had a great time. They did some fishing for the first time. Connor was pretty so-so about it but Addison loved it.

4.  I found this awesome notebook from Disney. I have no idea what I'm going to use it for but I couldn't pass it up because it was so stinking cute. I wanted to get the Beauty and the Beast one plus this Peter Pan one, but they didn't have the Beauty and the Beast one at the time but since going back I noticed they had it so oops and I bought it. I just couldn't resist.

5. I've been doing through a cooking rut lately so I have gone back to Blue Apron in hopes that the ease of it all will help inspire me to get back to cooking and actually be excited about it again.

6. We got Connor's hair cut again. He was in desperate need of it since the hair was over his ears, into his eyes and long enough to actually pull into a ponytail. He wasn't so happy about it but we got through it and got it cut pretty short for the summer. Every time we get his hair cut he always looks so much older which is crushing on a mom's heart.

7. We have been invaded by ants in our kitchen. We can't figure out where they are coming in from and we have sprayed around the house already but we definitely need to do it again. The worst is that they are in our pantry. We haven't found them in any food but it's still bothersome and gross to find so many ants near your food.

8. I'm a fan of the TV show Timeless and last year after the first season it was cancelled then three days later it was brought back for a second season after all. Once again the show is on the line but the network hasn't cancelled or renewed yet. It's actually really annoying to not know. I'm obviously hoping they renew it. It's really good if you are looking for a good TV show. Fingers cross it's renewed!

Have a great weekend!
Happy Friday! 


A Day in the Life ( 38 ) A Little Extra ( 12 ) A Pregnancy Story ( 53 ) Addison ( 416 ) anniversary ( 40 ) apartment ( 10 ) baby ( 11 ) baking ( 21 ) Beautiful Mess Plans Co ( 1 ) Becca ( 277 ) birthday ( 39 ) Blue Apron ( 14 ) books ( 77 ) breastfeeding ( 5 ) bullet journal ( 7 ) Bump to Baby ( 5 ) Christmas ( 25 ) Connor ( 78 ) cooking ( 152 ) currently ( 17 ) date ( 15 ) Defying Gravity ( 28 ) DIY ( 39 ) Easter ( 6 ) Eat Dessert First ( 17 ) Every Day Conversations ( 16 ) Every Day Conversations: Kid Edition ( 8 ) exercise ( 54 ) fall ( 10 ) family ( 66 ) Father's Day ( 6 ) Fight Like a Girl ( 10 ) food ( 182 ) Foodstirs ( 2 ) garden ( 2 ) gestational diabetes ( 5 ) God ( 2 ) Halloween ( 20 ) Happy Friday ( 222 ) holiday ( 56 ) home ( 6 ) honeymoon ( 8 ) house ( 71 ) How 'Bout Them Reads ( 64 ) How to Boil Water ( 122 ) Independence Day ( 3 ) job ( 4 ) laughter ( 1 ) life ( 1 ) life list ( 9 ) loss ( 3 ) Making the Cut ( 51 ) Marines ( 29 ) marriage ( 28 ) Meal Prep ( 4 ) Mommy & Me ( 7 ) Mother's Day ( 5 ) Nanowrimo ( 5 ) New Years ( 8 ) On the Kid's Table ( 12 ) Our Beautiful Mess ( 7 ) Our Beautiful Mess Shop ( 20 ) Our Weekend in Photographs ( 108 ) parenting ( 93 ) PCOS ( 7 ) Photo Every Hour ( 1 ) postpartum ( 6 ) potty training ( 2 ) pregnancy ( 124 ) random thoughts ( 120 ) reading ( 70 ) Reading Challenge ( 65 ) Rob ( 230 ) SAHM ( 16 ) school ( 9 ) secondary infertility ( 9 ) Sense Learn Play ( 6 ) slow cooker ( 3 ) spring ( 15 ) Spring Break ( 1 ) Stella ( 38 ) summer ( 22 ) Thanksgiving ( 13 ) Two Ladies & Their Gents ( 13 ) vacation ( 2 ) Valentine's Day ( 12 ) video ( 20 ) wedding ( 21 ) week-by-week ( 50 ) winter ( 9 ) word of the month ( 5 ) Wordless Wednesday ( 41 ) Wreck this Journal ( 1 ) writing ( 5 ) Year in Review ( 11 )


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