Jan 23, 2019

Currently: Winter 2019 Edition

Currently Working On // Surviving during the day. Ha! But no seriously having a newborn and a two year old all day then later adding in a 6 year old is exhausting.

Okay but really I'm mostly just working on more new kits for the shop (which I'm pleased with how it's going by the way). I've also been working on reformats and orders and everything else involving the shop. It is keeping me pretty busy which is great.

Currently Anticipating // Spring. I am so stinkin' tired of the cold weather already. We walk to school and it's a pain to get all bundled up.

Currently Annoyed By // My hair. It's a mess. It's all over the place, always in my face, frizzy and the postpartum hair is fun. I haven't started losing my hair yet but I know that's still coming.

Currently Grateful For // The hubs. I could probably do him every month but he has been picking up a lot of slack for me since I've had a lot of long days with the kids. He does the night time feedings often. I am so lucky to have him.

Currently Reading // The Alpha Drive by Kristen Martin, which I'm feeling only so-so about. I'm also reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I always start rereading Harry Potter when I have a baby as the book I have in her room to keep me busy while I rock.

Currently Staying Active // I'm doing a lot of walking. So much walking. Walking to school. Walking home from school. Walking around the house with a fussy baby. Walking back to school. Walking back home again. All the walking....my feet hurt.

Currently Craving // Nothing really. Although I would really like Texas Roadhouse and eggs Benedict.

Currently Loving // My new phone. A few weeks ago we went and got new phones (Rob was having trouble with his and mine wouldn't hold a charge and would randomly shut down which was a problem when that was my only lifeline). I don't usually get the newest phone but it was only a bit more so I decided to go with it. I like it - the camera is pretty nice.

Currently Would Love to Travel To // The beach. But at this point I would just take a vacation and somewhere warm.

Jan 21, 2019

The One with the Clothing Clean Out

Right now the big thing is decluttering especially since that Netflix special came out about Konmari method. Truthfully I haven't seen it. I probably won't see it. But I had decided awhile ago that this house needs a major clean up and clean out. So when I was putting together my bullet journal for 2019 months ago I put together a spread of the Konmari method which I figured would help me get through my house and finally do the massive declutter we desperately need.

And all that was going to start with clothing.

I was actually looking forward to going through my clothes. I knew I had so many that I could get rid of. Maternity clothes were the first in the bag but it wouldn't be long before dozens of other shirts were added to it. It was actually easy to pull out shirts that I didn't like anymore, didn't fit well, or that I just didn't care about keeping. Before long I had a giant pile that easily filled up two trash bags. The rest of my clothes went quickly. I cleaned out then straightened and organized as I went. Truthfully it felt amazing.

But then I had pause. I knew going through the kids clothes would be a lot. I had tubs and tubs downstairs. Their rooms hadn't been cleaned out in a long time and there were things in both rooms that didn't fit either of them (Emma has like five outfits to her name so she doesn't count in this case). I honestly thought that this would be where my project would end. I didn't want to spend hours downstairs going through tubs in the cold. But then I realized that the tubs move and I should just move them upstairs. It would be a pain to do but by doing this, I wouldn't be downstairs in the cold and dirty (the basement is such a mess right now that just being down there is a bit overwhelming) and by having it in the main part of the house it would motivate me to go through it faster because I would want the stuff back downstairs quickly.

So I moved the tubs upstairs. I started with boys clothes because there was only two tubs of clothes and since we are done having babies, it would be easy. All the boys clothes that Connor has grown out of just needed to be sorted into clothes that I wanted to keep and clothes that I would pass down to Rob's brothers if they ever decide to have kids one day. I'm definitely passing along more clothes than I'm keeping but I am keeping some that are my favorites or that have certain memories. And there is still plenty of room in that tub to add to when he grows out more clothes, namely his superhero pajamas that he loves so much. (Truthfully when he finally gets too old to love superhero pajamas, that will break my heart a little.)

But then I had the overwhelming task of sorting through all the girls clothes which had about seven tubs. I had at one point "organized" them but apparently I hadn't done a very good job because they were a mess. Going through these tubs were much more about getting the right sizes together and getting rid of things that I just didn't want to keep. I stood at the kitchen table - wearing Emma like she loves so much but my back hates - and listened to My Favorite Murder as I sorted. I folded and sorted and packed away again. By the time I was done I was one tub down and had three bags of clothes to donate.

For all the tubs I printed out new labels and felt good about what I had done. It truthfully felt amazing to have it all gone through and cleaned up. I can't even see the clothes inside the closed tubs but I know they are organized and everything is folded and sorted correctly, and all that makes me feel good.

The plan now is that as Emma grows out of clothes I will do the same as I did with the boys clothes. I will have two tubs - one of clothes to keep and one of clothes to pass on - and as I will sort them as she grows out. That keeps me from having to sort through the clothes a year from now.

Now that I'm done with my clothes and the kids clothes, it's on to the hubs. I saved him for last because I knew he would be the easiest. He doesn't have much for one and what he does have he wears. He scoffed when I told him we were going to go through his clothes but after I told him that he was going to ruin my flow and just end up discouraging me, he agreed.

After we were all said and done, we took the bags of clothes to Goodwill. And it felt awesome to have that stuff out the house. It was a good way to start off the new year and this new project.

I am now onto the next category which is books. This is a tougher one for me and I'm dreading it a little bit, but I'm doing this and I know I'll feel better for it.

Jan 11, 2019

The One Month Comparison // Happy Friday

As I was putting this collection of pictures together for month one, I got to Addie's picture and realized that her sister looks just like her!

For a long time Emma looked so different and didn't look like either Addison or Connor. But I definitely see Addie in Emma now. I really don't see much of Connor there, but man Addison and Emma look just the same at one month.

It's hard to believe that Emma is already a month old. You can't tell what kind of personality Emma is going to have yet because mostly she just sleeps. But she is really laid back. She sleeps well and although she has been struggling settling at night, she is really easy.

Have a great weekend!
Happy Friday!

Jan 10, 2019

A Day in the Life: 6.3 Year, 34 Month & 1 Month Edition

4:09 -- Early morning wake up call. Emma is awake and ready to eat. I wake up and make a bottle but Rob feeds her this morning. It takes a while for all of us to go back to sleep because Emma has decided not to settle this morning.

6:30 -- My actual wake up call. My Garmin wakes me up and as much as I don't want to get up, I don't have much of a choice especially if I want to shower.

6:49 -- Out of the shower and I'm going to sit on the bed and take a few moments to myself in the quiet - one, to try to convince myself I got this today, and two, to enjoy the quiet just a few minutes longer.

7:01 -- Time to get the kids up. I start with Addison. I get her going then go get Connor. Connor feels a lot like I do in the mornings and isn't a fan of mornings. It takes a bit more convincing but finally I get him up and dressed.

7:11 -- All of us except Emma and Connor head down for breakfast. Emma is still sleeping and Connor has decided he doesn't want breakfast. But about two seconds after I get downstairs I hear him pouting at the top of the stairs with his pillow because in fact he does want breakfast.

The kids eat breakfast while I make Addison's lunch for the day and make sure she is ready to go.

7:27 -- It's time to get Emma up, dressed and fed. She was fast asleep but didn't cry when I started changing her. She then ate about 2.5 ounces of formula. Meanwhile I have the kids brushing teeth and getting shoes on.

7:50 -- Emma is done eating and now we are hurrying to finish getting ready for the day, getting hats and gloves and coats on. Gotta dress warm in the winter when you walk to school. It's not too cold today but it was really windy.

7:59 -- Off to school. Addison can't wait to get there and Connor lags because he doesn't look in front of him and pay attention to where he's going.

8:18 -- We finally make it home again. I let Connor watch Mickey because I have a lot of printing and cutting to do today. I grab a poptart and get to work while Connor yells at the TV.

8:50 -- This day isn't going as planned. I have been working for about 30 minutes and have done nothing. I already want to bash my head into a wall and I know that this will be a two movie day for Connor because I have to get this work done and it's not going well.

9:00 -- While I wait for my printer to stop being so dumb, I start soaking beans for dinner tonight. Meanwhile Connor has asked for the iPad and since I know he'll mostly just play puzzles, I let him. I have to get this stuff done today.

10:13 -- Snack time all around, well except me...

10:30 -- They are both done eating. Emma had 3 ounces of formula which Connor helped hold the bottle and burp her. Then I put her down so I can get her monthly picture taken. It's hard to believe she's already one month!

10:46 - I try some cutting again and see it I have better luck...

11:00 -- Truth time...I had a meltdown just after I tried cutting again (it didn't work by the way). I was so sure I could handle it all but suddenly I couldn't. I haven't gotten any of the work done that I need to do in order to get orders for tomorrow and I don't know why my Silhouette and printer aren't working properly. I was letting Connor watch something else and Emma was screaming.

I was just not a happy time. Let's just be honest, I cried. But that's reality sometimes. I'm one more postpartum and hormones are a killer. I have dealt with postpartum depression and anxiety with each kid and sometimes I just get overwhelmed.

So I dealt with one thing at a time. I walked away from my work - maybe the hubs could help me sort out that problem later. I decided that Connor would survive extra screen time today and let myself  off the hook for that. And I took Emma up to rock her in her room in the quiet. She slept off and I calmed down again after a good much needed cry.

That's just how things go sometimes when you deal with kids. It's not all Pinterest and perfect. It's hard and dirty and sometimes there are tears. 

11:49 -- I put Emma in her port-a-crib and hope she stays down for a little bit so I can get Connor and me some lunch.

12:01 -- At least I got Connor lunch

12:15 -- Unrelated to my earlier meltdown today, Rob is home for lunch. He actually forgot his lunch today.

He has lunch then takes Emma so I can eat.

12:50 -- Rob heads back to work. I take Emma back and start printing and cleaning up my computer. Connor and I settle on him having quiet time down here today - I just don't have it in me to take him upstairs and wonder what he's getting into today. He's quiet, hiding under a blanket currently.

2:31 -- Emma's awake and ready to eat

3:20 -- Off to get Addie. I quickly get Connor all ready to go then put Emma in the carrier to wear her since it's warmer against my body and Connor wants to ride in a stroller and turns out I can't push two strollers at the same time.

4:15 -- I turn on some music and the kids eat a poptart and dance.

4:42 -- Addie paints, Connor snacks still, Emma naps so I start dinner.

5:18 -- Dinner was a bust and abandoned. The kids were bickering and getting under each other's skins and mine. Meanwhile Emma was screaming uncontrollably. Turned out the only thing to calm her down was rocking her upstairs again. I even ended up reading Harry Potter out loud before she actually fell asleep. It was decided that Rob would just pick up dinner on the way home. It's just been that kind of day.

5:57 -- Rob is home with food (and this is where the pictures end because well they just do).

6:16 -- Emma wants dinner too so we find her another 3 ounces.

6:50 -- We head out for a quick errand. I really don't want to go out but we figure out that I need a new cutting mat for my Silhouette so out we go.

7:33 -- Home again and straight to getting ready for bed.

8:11 -- Connor is down and Rob is finishing getting Addie down and also holding Emma while she sleeps.

I head downstairs to get the kits cut that I had to tonight and hope I will easily be able to finish the rest tomorrow. It's just been a heck of a day today. (By the way I did get my kits in the mail that I needed to and also got the rest finished up the next day and out in the mail.)

It wasn't the smoothest of days but we made it through. I'm just having to find my new routine and figure out how to make it all work. But this is my first week solo during the day so it's not always going to go smoothly. I'm trying to do better about giving myself a break though and remember that life is messy but my kids are happy and healthy and even if we sometimes eat out and sometimes I let them have too much screen time, it's okay because some days are just about making it through and knowing when to say when.

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Jan 9, 2019

Emma Lynn: One Month

Dear Emma:

I can't believe you are now a month old. How did that happen?! This last month has seriously flown by. I know some of that has been because it was Christmas and your father and sister were home, but I know some of it is because you are already growing so fast.

You are doing so awesome. You are growing so quickly. We are on the last of our newborn diapers and trying to make them last but you are almost too big for them finally. It's a mix on the newborn clothes. Some of them fit you great and others definitely don't fit. You are just too long now and your head is too big but otherwise you are a skinny little thing. You could definitely wear your newborn clothes longer if you weren't so tall already.

Even though you are really skinny, you are eating like a champ. We have moved completely to formula which you are doing great with. At first it was a struggle because the nipples flowed too fast but you have gotten used to them now and that definitely isn't the problem. Sometimes you are a challenge to burp which leads you throwing up. You definitely don't throw up as much as your older sister did but you throw up more than your brother. Maybe I should buy stock in laundry soap because you are making me do more laundry than I would like. You are normally - when you aren't throwing up that is - eating about 3-4 ounces every four to five hours.

As far as sleeping, well that's pretty much all you do. I think your siblings are a little disappointed that you aren't awake for very long, but I'm sure they will change their opinions once you are getting into their rooms and toys before long. We have been working on adding in tummy time between when you eat and when you fall asleep again during the day, but sometimes you just pass out so it doesn't always happen. At night you are sleeping awesome - once we finally get you to sleep. You tend to have trouble settling early evening and you spend a lot of time crying at us. Lately your dad has been having to wear you until you fall asleep then wait until you are really down to put you down in the port-a-crib. Once you are down though you have been sleeping five hour chunks and actually went eight hours between feedings the other night, so when you add in the time you spent crying at us, you slept about six hours. It was pretty awesome. You always end up waking up at about 4:30 in the morning to eat again but at least at that time you go right back down.

Things are going well with you. You are definitely easy and just an all-around content baby. Your brother and sister adore you. Your dad and I love all your cuddles. You fit right in with our family and we are so happy that you are you. I love you so much.

Love, Mama

Jan 7, 2019

The One All About Breastfeeding

When we got pregnant with Emma, I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding again. I also knew that most likely it wouldn't last long and we would be making the switch to formula. My other two were formula fed and turned out fine - granted a little weird - but just fine all the same. So I was okay with the change that would be coming - it was just a matter of when.

With Addison we tried for two months before I switched to exclusively pumping so we could see how much she was getting. It only lasted a month before I gave up on that pursuit thanks to a low milk supply. We were having to supplement with formula and she was getting way more formula than breastmilk so it turned out to be worth it to me anymore. So we made the change. I struggled a lot with her and once we made the change to formula, things improved. As hard as this is to admit as a mom, I actually like my daughter better. Instead of spending an hour feeding or hooked up to a breast pump, ever forty-five minutes (yes it was that bad), I could feed her and enjoy having her.

With Connor, I made it just shy of three weeks before I threw in the towel. We learned a lot through our experience with Addison and I knew better than to let it go as long as it did. I wanted to end breastfeeding on better terms. I wanted to have a better experience. But he was still eating a lot, so I hurt and by the time I stopped I was pretty much in tears every single time he wanted to eat. I just wanted to be done. I was tired and it wasn't working. I was miserable. But I got to end breastfeeding on my terms and they were much happier terms. I still felt good about my decision.

I didn't exactly have high hopes heading into breastfeeding with Emma. But I was going to try. I declined meeting the lactation specialist in the hospital because the past two experiences ended up terrible with me feeling like they made it their personal mission to make it work for me. I hated the whole thing so I decided I didn't want to do that again this time. I would make it as long as I could and be okay with the switch to formula.

Things actually started out great. Emma was just like the other two and latched great. She fed great and they were fairly short feeding sessions and she seemed content. But we did have to start supplementing while still in the hospital. Because I had gestational diabetes, her blood sugars had to be checked before each time she wanted to eat which meant if they were too low than she had to have formula to get those levels up quickly. I had no issue with giving her formula but that probably did help with keeping those breastfeeding sessions shorter because she was eating so much formula. Pretty soon we ended up having to supplement after every feeding just to keep her blood sugar from dipping.

The day we were set to leave the hospital, I woke up that morning feeling very full and knew my milk had come in. That was probably the earliest I have ever gotten my milk so that was definitely a good sign. We continued to supplement in the hospital however. Her blood sugars evened out and her doctor said that she wanted her in later that week for a weigh check and unless we felt like she really needed it, we didn't need to supplement.

So we headed home with the plan to just breastfeed. And much to my surprise things were going really well. Unlike with the other kids Emma wasn't eating as long or as often and she seemed to be content. We were able to go 3 hours between feedings and she was eating anywhere from 15-30 minutes. She seemed satisfied. Me on the other hand wasn't doing as well. I had a milk duct in my armpit that was clogged and had basically become a massive hard painful rock. I worked hard to get it unclogged and keep things pleasant.

We went in for the weight check and were surprised to find that she had gained a little. We had left the hospital at 6 lbs 9 oz and she was up to 6 lbs 10 oz. Granted it wasn't a huge improvement but it was an improvement. We were definitely happy about that. But we would be going back for another weight check in a week because she wasn't quite up to her birth weight yet. And the meantime, we were going to continue doing what we were doing.

But that road started to hit a snag because it seemed that she wasn't getting enough anymore. We started adding in more supplemental bottles. She was eating longer, and Rob and I started talking about making the switch to just formula. We decided to see how much she wanted and how much I was able to provide. We waited until she was ready to eat after 3 hours and she would have formula while I pumped. It was clear that my breastfeeding days were numbered at that point. Emma easily ate 2 ounces while I pumped less than an ounces (from both sides). I just couldn't give her as much as she wanted.

My other clear sign that my days were numbered when I started to feel less full. I decided to wait until after her next weight check before I made a final decision on when I was going to stop. I didn't know why I was dragging my feet but I definitely was. So we continued breastfeeding then supplementing with formula after. We went in for a weight check and we were not surprised to find that she was over her birth weight at 7 lbs 1 oz. She was definitely getting a lot more formula so we knew she was gaining weight.

Basically I would breastfeed her when I felt full and she would have just a bottle when I didn't. But the times between when I felt full started lengthening out. First I was only feeding her during the night then it was every 8 hours then it was every 12 hours then suddenly it was 24 hours. Then suddenly I realized it had been 48 hours since I nursed her and knew it was over. My breastfeeding days were over and I wasn't sure I was completely ready for her.

The last time I had nursed her was right after Christmas at 2 in the morning. I remember while I was nursing her thinking that I was ready for this to be over. I was ready to switch to just formula. I was ready to move on. But now that I was really moving on, I was feeling emotional about it.

Don't get me wrong, every single time I nursed her I hated it. I was uncomfortable. It actually made me feel nauseous. I knew she wasn't getting enough so I was stressed about how much she was eating and how would we knew if she needed a bottle or not. I was stressed about her not sleeping as well because she was hungry (like Addison). It just wasn't a pleasant thing for me. Breastfeeding for me was nothing but a struggle.

But being done made me sad. It was another chapter that I was closing for good and that was a hard thing to deal with. I knew in the end both Emma and I would be better off.

Since that change happened, I have let my milk dry up completely now. I haven't had any problems with clogged painful ducts. I haven't been uncomfortable or felt full. It was just so quickly the end. And Emma is thriving. She is eating formula like a champ. She is growing - she is already looking so big. She is sleeping great at night, usually around 5 hours although she did have a 7 hour chunk in there. Things are better off for us (well, maybe not for our wallets...).

Rob is able to help more and take middle of the night feedings. I'm not so uncomfortable and now starting my own journey towards feeling better and more like me again (pregnancy is super hard on me yo). Emma is just doing awesome.

I have moments where I still get a little emotional when I think about the fact that my breastfeeding days are behind me. Sometimes it's just plain hard on me to think that my body couldn't do something else that it was supposed to do. But mostly I'm good with the choice. I'm doing what I need to do - what's best for my daughter. I am giving her what she needs, it's just through formula and that's okay. 

Jan 4, 2019

The Three Week Comparison // Happy Friday

I can't believe how much Emma has already grown! We are quickly approaching a month already and that's hard to believe!

I can actually see a little bit more of Addison and Connor in Emma this week. Addie and Emma have a similar face and Connor and Emma have a similar body type. But I know it can just as quickly change and Emma will continue to look like her own person completely separate than the other two. I don't think Connor and Addie looked alike at all at this age. But Emma is definitely a mix at three weeks.

It's just so hard to believe how fast she is already growing. We are just about out of newborn diapers and there are some outfits in the newborn size that doesn't fit anymore (although some still do). And by the time we get to next week she will look different again and be even bigger. All three of them just need to slow down!

Have a great weekend!
Happy Friday!


A Day in the Life ( 40 ) A Little Extra ( 12 ) A Pregnancy Story ( 53 ) Addison ( 422 ) anniversary ( 41 ) apartment ( 10 ) baby ( 12 ) baking ( 21 ) Beautiful Mess Plans Co ( 2 ) Becca ( 281 ) birthday ( 40 ) Blue Apron ( 17 ) books ( 77 ) breastfeeding ( 6 ) bullet journal ( 8 ) Bump to Baby ( 41 ) Christmas ( 27 ) Connor ( 87 ) cooking ( 155 ) currently ( 20 ) date ( 15 ) declutter ( 1 ) Defying Gravity ( 28 ) DIY ( 39 ) Easter ( 6 ) Eat Dessert First ( 17 ) Emma ( 7 ) Every Day Conversations ( 17 ) Every Day Conversations: Kid Edition ( 8 ) exercise ( 55 ) fall ( 10 ) family ( 71 ) Father's Day ( 6 ) Fight Like a Girl ( 10 ) food ( 185 ) Foodstirs ( 2 ) garden ( 2 ) gestational diabetes ( 5 ) God ( 2 ) Halloween ( 21 ) Happy Friday ( 242 ) holiday ( 59 ) home ( 8 ) honeymoon ( 8 ) house ( 73 ) How 'Bout Them Reads ( 64 ) How to Boil Water ( 122 ) Independence Day ( 4 ) job ( 4 ) laughter ( 1 ) life ( 1 ) life list ( 9 ) loss ( 3 ) Making the Cut ( 51 ) Marines ( 29 ) marriage ( 29 ) Meal Prep ( 4 ) Mommy & Me ( 7 ) Mother's Day ( 5 ) Nanowrimo ( 11 ) New Years ( 8 ) On the Kid's Table ( 12 ) Our Beautiful Mess ( 7 ) Our Beautiful Mess Shop ( 20 ) Our Weekend in Photographs ( 115 ) parenting ( 93 ) PCOS ( 7 ) Photo Every Hour ( 1 ) postpartum ( 6 ) potty training ( 2 ) pregancy ( 1 ) pregnancy ( 161 ) Preptober ( 1 ) random thoughts ( 123 ) reading ( 70 ) Reading Challenge ( 65 ) Rob ( 230 ) SAHM ( 16 ) school ( 11 ) secondary infertility ( 9 ) Sense Learn Play ( 6 ) slow cooker ( 3 ) spring ( 15 ) Spring Break ( 1 ) Stella ( 38 ) summer ( 22 ) Thanksgiving ( 14 ) Three Ladies & Their Gents ( 15 ) vacation ( 3 ) Valentine's Day ( 12 ) video ( 20 ) wedding ( 21 ) week-by-week ( 50 ) winter ( 9 ) word of the month ( 5 ) Wordless Wednesday ( 41 ) Wreck this Journal ( 1 ) writing ( 11 ) Year in Review ( 11 )


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