Dec 3, 2010

"Live for the fight when that's all that you got. We're halfway there. Livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it I swear." -Bon Jovi

I find myself at a crossroads in my life. There are moments in your life when you expect to be a crossroads. What college do I go to? Do I date him or not? What career do I want? Do I marry him or not? Where do I live? Do I want kids right now or should we wait? Do I keep working or be a stay-at-home mom? Should I make a career change or move? Is now the right time to retire? Do I move to a smaller place or stay put? Do I want to go through medicine and treatments or do I just let nature take its course?

Everyone has those moments. I just never expected to be hitting my first big movement since college two years after graduating. Here's my story:

I started at Missouri State University, but after my first year I left that school (which I would later come to regret) and decided to go to community college while working at home. I got a job a a floral warehouse while I went to school. I got my AA and decided to continue on because I wanted my bachelor's degree. I started attending Northwest Missouri State as a history major the next semester. I made it through my last two years there, and surprisely enough still graduated on time. After I graduated I had no plans. I never intended to continue working at that floral warehouse. But with no idea what else to do, I went back to work there full time. And there I have been for two years since graduating.
Somewhere along the way I met Rob, who has been everything to me. He has compeletely changed my life and I can't imagine my life without him now. And now that we're getting married I have made the move to Olathe to be with him, but I still work on the Missouri side making my drive over forty minutes one way every day. It's becoming too much. I can't keep driving a drive that terrifies me to a job that I hate every day. So I find myself at the crossroads.

But a door has opened for me. My father can put me back on his health insurance with no extra cost to him until Rob and I get married which means I'll be on Rob's insurance. So I no longer have to find a job that offers benefits, which is even harder to find then just a part time job right now. So I find myself in the turmoil of change. I find myself longing for this change. I find myself eager for this change.

I never thought I would hit my first mid-life (more like less-than-quarter-life) crisis. But I will fight through this. Because I'm stronger than just rolling over and letting it happen. I'm determined to be happy. That's my New Years Resolution, and the first step to this happiness is moving away from the job that has caused my unrest and making the necessary changes to do what is right for my life.

But for right now, I'm just living on a prayer.

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