Sep 12, 2012

That Pesky Glucose Thing, Part Two

Here's where my somewhat funny glucose story takes a not so funny turn. First I want to say that I have been open and honest about this pregnancy. I have shared everything from fears to falls to cravings to hernias. And now like I said my glucose test story takes a less than funny turn. Because it is the part of the story where I find out I have gestational diabetes.

Like I said less than funny. Unless you want to look at it from the angle that this pregnancy has been one thing after another. But even then it probably isn't so funny.

I would be lying if I said the news didn't throw me. Even though I had to do the 3-hour test after having elevated levels at the 1-hour test, I still didn't expect to actually have gestational diabetes. So when my doctor's nurse called to inform me that I did, driving was not the best thing I could have been doing. A flood of thoughts and questions came with the flood of information.

What did I do wrong?

Could I have prevented this?

How could I have screwed up the first thing I have ever done as a mom?

What exactly does this all mean?

What do you mean I deliver at 39 weeks?

So does this explain why Addison is measuring normal when I've only gained ten pounds? Would she be small otherwise?

The questions rambled quickly through my head, and I just as quickly wrote them all done. I wanted to know what this would mean for me now. What it would mean for Addison both now and after birth. How was this going to change labor and delivery. How was this going to change my daily routine. What happens if we can't get my blood sugar levels under control. Question after question popped in my head. And suddenly I realized there were too many unknowns.

With that realizations of all the unknowns, my constant questions turned to feelings of being overwhelmed and down right scared. Plus the overwhelming feeling that I did something wrong. I couldn't shake the feeling that I could have done something somehow to prevent this. I could have eaten differently or taken more walks. I could have done something. Or maybe it was something I did do. Rationally I knew that it was nothing I did or didn't do. I knew that this was just my hormones and the way my body was reacting. There was no way to actually prevent this. This wasn't my fault. But it felt like it.

I needed to let myself feel overwhelmed and scared. I knew that this was something else that I would get through and Rob would be there, helping and supporting in every way. This was just something else that we could handle and get through together. But for the time being I needed to not pretend that I wasn't scared or overwhelmed. I needed to feel those things, so I could get beyond that and push ahead.

And ahead I pushed. In fact, it only took about a day for me to hit the acceptance mode. I knew that there was a problem and things would have to change, and I was ready to learn everything I can (Knowledge is power) and make those changes. This wasn't just about me. This was about that little girl that I'm carrying. But I resisted the urge to do much research online until I had the opportunity to talk to the diabetes specialist that I was set up with. I didn't want to end up freaking myself out again and feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to get my information from a doctor who specializes in this and knows my situation and knows the changes that I would need to make for my situation and blood sugar levels. But that also meant that I was even more ready for the next step. I was ready to be informed and make the changes and figure out our new routine involving taking my blood sugar levels four times a day, changing my diet, and eating at about the same time every day.

Make sure to come back for the continued story in 'That Pesky Glucose Thing, Part Three.'


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