Mar 24, 2016

Not Pregnant

In case you missed the memo, I am not pregnant anymore! And I'm going to be honest, it's a bit weird. For the last two years, give or take, getting pregnant or being pregnant was a big part of my life. We struggled for so long - 16 months before we actually got pregnant - then I was pregnant for 9 months, which is a big chunk of the last couple of years of my life.


For all those months we focused on the actual being pregnant part and not so much on the baby part. I changed my diet and exercise in order to either get pregnant or once I was pregnant. Then when I started feeling him moving, I talked to him on a regular basis (which felt very much like talking to myself). I got used to getting kicked in the bladder or him using my lungs as a pillow. I was never really alone because I had this tiny little person growing inside me.

Truthfully the whole birth experience was really quite surreal and nothing at all like I pictured it being. With Addison, it took a hour of pushing before she came into the world. With Connor, it was two pushes and he was here. Added into the fact that I was completely out of it due to whatever in the world happened, I don't even really remember that day all that well (which I will add makes me really sad to think about but that's for another day).

There actually isn't a lot I like about being pregnant. I don't have a ton of maternity clothes so I get tired of wearing the same thing day after day. Not to mention being pregnant in the winter means feeling trapped in layers of clothes just to feel warm, on top of feeling uncomfortable in your own body. I love hoagie sandwiches but lunch meats are a no-go while pregnant and I craved one desperately the entire pregnancy. You are limited in your movements and what you can carry which makes doing anything impossible or at least really hard. Exercising, although helps, also is harder thanks to the lack of movement but also thanks to your body just being sore in general. I could probably go on with the list of reason I don't like being pregnant, including having to use to the bathroom all the time, not being able to sleep on your stomach, the intense pain in my rib cage and back due to a skeletal issue while pregnant, and the fact that my eyes get so dry that I can't wear my contacts which means glasses all the time like it or not.

But I would do it all again. And we plan to. We don't feel done yet. I even think I'm crazy to do it all again because being pregnant just doesn't agree with me. But I would do it all over again because it's worth it. I see the two I have now and I would be pregnant over and over again for more like them. I love my family and how it is growing. It's awesome to watch this little person that you made grow. In fact it's amazing how it all works if you really think about it. And for us it's even more amazing because we have two miracle children.

We were told that it's possible to conceive naturally having PCOS but it's hard to do because your hormones are all out of whack. But yet we conceived Addison quickly and naturally. And with Connor we had struggled for so long and I had even had three miscarriages before I got pregnant with him. And I read that there is 60% chance of another miscarriage after three consecutive miscarriages, add into that the chance of getting pregnant is only 20% each cycle you try. My two miracle babies.

Since Connor is not even a month old we have no plans for a third anytime soon. In fact it'll be at least a year before we even consider trying for another one, but it's still in the cards for us. For now we are just going to enjoy the two we have and make it through Connor's first year. It will certainly be interesting to see how things end up going for us the third time around.

So in the meantime I'm just going to enjoy not being pregnant. I'm going to enjoy drinking caffeine. I'm going to enjoy eating hoagie sandwiches and all the lunch meat. I'm going to enjoy sleeping on my stomach and not being in pain. I'm going to enjoy getting a good sweat out of my workout (when I'm allowed to start exercising again that is). I'm not going to lie, at times I almost feel lonely because I got used to having Connor with me 24/7. It made me look less crazy when I talked [to myself] in stores because I very well could have been talking to my baby. But I'm beyond thrilled (really there are no words) that Connor is finally here and I can hold him in my arms.

I'm definitely good with not being pregnant anymore.

xo, B

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